With most of our entertainments paused due to plague, I have returned to the original spectator sport of humanity: Kravitzing.
Kravitz, Kravitzing. To peer with nervous curiosity, typically through a window, at one's street or neighborhood, as a communal experience between two or more people, one of whom may be referred to as an Abner.
Kravitzing is an inherently communal experience. You may spy, eavesdrop, or observe as an individual; however, in order to be considered Kravitzing, you must have at least one accomplice, naysayer, or classic straight person (comedic, not sexual identity), to check or heighten your observations.
To start a Kravitz
All official Kravitzing sessions begin with: "Come here, you have to see this!" Or, as an alternate: "Will you look at what's happening [name of location]." This is typically followed by the other person's acceptance of your Kravitz.
Note: Cruising Nextdoor does not count as an official Kravitz.
But what happens if your offer of a Kravitz is not accepted? That is what is referred to as an Abnerring.
To Abner or Abnerring. Ignoring an invitation to Kravitz.
It is unfortunate, but true: not every invitation to Kravitz will be accepted by other members of your household. When your request to Kravitz has been met with an Abnerring, you have one additional move to change their mind—which is repeating your original Kravitz offer but louder.
Frequently Asked Questions
Can I be Kravitzing if I am observing my neighbors with my dog or cat?
Yes. Dogs, in particular, make great Kravitzing partners. Cats are generally less effective Kravitz partners. Talking birds are second only to people. Having hamsters, turtles, and—of course —fish as potential partners would not count as an official Kravitz.
Do all Kravitzing sessions have to be done through a window?
Kravitzing has gone through many evolutions since its inception as a spectator sport. You may Kravitz through windows, through or over fence-lines, or from your front porch, stoop, or yard. If you are in a high-rise setting, using binoculars from a balcony or window would count as a Kravitz. Using a telescope is cheating.
What is the most effective tool against Abnerring?
Why is Nextdoor not considered Kravitzing?
Due to its virtual and passive nature, reading Nextdoor posts cannot ever be classified as an official Kravitz. Performing a Kravitz requires physical movement, interaction with your environment, and collaboration.